We have introduced an innovative new program known as "Self-Service." After all, who is better motivated to find a solution to all your problems but...YOU? We recognize that change is sometimes hard to accept, but we're sure you'll appreciate the improved responsiveness and faster turnaround time of our new self-service program. As an added bonus, today only, we're waiving the $50 monthly fee for Premium Self-Service Support. Help yourself today and see the advantages of this new program - FREE!

Seems to be the future trend in all areas of commerce, doesn't it? Well, you didn't like talking to customer support overseas, so now you get to talk to yourself! If customer service sucks, you now have no one to complain to but...you! See how YOU like it.

On a related note, don't you just love the self-service checkout lines at Wal-Mart, Kroger, and other stores? I'd like to see a small discount on my bill every time I use them. After all, I'm doing the work - I should at least get paid minimum wage! Then again, would that mean having a supervisor treat me like an idiot when I make a mistake and can't figure out how to operate the equipment? Oh, wait - they do that now!